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Which Useless Car Are You?

The quiz · 9 questions · 8 possible cars

Which useless car are you?

Answer honestly. Every possible result is a real car from the Quirk Database, and none of them is sensible.

Question 1 of 9 It's Saturday morning. What's the plan? Nothing. I own one chair and I'm sitting in it. Something huge, loud and unnecessary. Running errands in the most fuel-efficient order. Fixing something that wasn't broken, but better. Driving the whole friend group to brunch.

Question 2 of 9 Pick a holiday. Lake. I'm driving into it. Same place as last year. It was fine. A Northern Irish factory tour. Don't ask. Wherever the cheapest ferry goes. A tech expo. I'll buy the prototype.

Question 3 of 9 Your approach to parking: I just pick the car up and put it where I want. Two spaces, minimum. Possibly three. Wherever. I'll park on the water if I have to. Somewhere people can see the doors open. Reversed in, perfectly centred, close to the exit.

Question 4 of 9 What's in your fridge? Meal-prepped lunches in matching containers. One yoghurt. A hydraulic accumulator, for some reason. Snacks for six people, labelled. A beta-test meal kit that hasn't launched yet.

Question 5 of 9 Someone laughs at your outfit. You… Laugh too. I'm wearing it again tomorrow. Explain the engineering behind it for 40 minutes. Make it bigger. It’s practical, machine-washable and it has pockets. Tell them it's from the future.

Question 6 of 9 Choose a superpower. Breathing underwater (in a convertible). Time travel. Fitting everyone in. Getting really good fuel economy, somehow. Never missing a scheduled service.

Question 7 of 9 Your phone is… A beta model nobody else has heard of. Massive, rugged and probably military. Whatever my contract upgraded me to. It’s reliable. Ten years old and still going. In a waterproof case, obviously.

Question 8 of 9 Pick a motto. Less is more. Always think about the resale value. More is more. If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. Nobody gets left behind.

Question 9 of 9 How do you handle a tight corner? Carefully. Very carefully. All three wheels. There's a corner? I'm doing 15 mph anyway. The suspension sorts it out. I just float. Indicate early, brake before it, ease out gently. With great style and questionable visibility.

0 of 9 answered

All possible results

The Minimalist Peel P50
The Overkill Lamborghini LM002
The Overthinker Citroën DS
The Chaos Optimist Amphicar 770
The Group Chat Admin Fiat Multipla (1998)
The Dreamer DeLorean DMC-12
The Early Adopter Sinclair C5
The Underdog Reliant Robin

Bonus result, for the dangerously sensible: The Spreadsheet Enjoyer: the Beige Toyota Camry

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